Perhaps

So perhaps I’m pregnant….

I have missed a period (by a couple days) but am yet to confirm it. I’m feeling so hopeful although I don’t want to get to caught up in it. I have been late before only to have Aunt Flo pop in a few days later so I’m trying not to get to worked up about it.

My husband feels the same way. We feel like this is a big perhaps.

I feel like I’m carrying around a big secret. None of our family know that we have been trying for babies so there is really no one to tell.

I have miscarried before so I’m trying not to get to ahead of myself. Except for feeling a bit off in the mornings and being a bit tired I really have no symptoms. I don’t want to take a test for a few weeks, I don’t think I could handle a long wait to 12 weeks.

If it doesn’t work out between now and then, at least I can carry on feeling like it was a late period. I don’t want to deal with miscarriage again. I want to have a happy pregnancy or carry on blissfully unaware.

I remember the last time I fell pregnant, I was feeling so positive and so happy about it and then someone mentioned miscarriage. It was almost like hearing that negativity poisoned me. It was all I could think of. I felt sure that it would happen to me. And according to laws of attraction – it did. I don’t want that for this time. I want to feel positive. I want to feel excited about it. I want to be sure enough of it that I could tell people. I didn’t feel that way last time.

I carry around so many fears that I won’t get the chance to be a Mother. Completely irrational fears. I carry them with me on a daily basis. I’m trying super hard to let them go.

I’m not a religious person but a friend of mine said God knows your hearts truest desires; he wants you to be happy. For some reason this has given me a lot of hope. I find myself praying; asking God if he will let me fall pregnant with my first child and let them be healthy.

So I leave this post feeling hopeful, and if this time round doesn’t take – I will try and try again.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? I would love it hear any thoughts on the subject??

after the absence

I’ve been a pretty slack blogger in recent times; or basically since I have moved home.

Here is what is new in the life of limbo:

*We are finally moving out of home…. into our old home that we gave up to go travelling. I couldn’t be happier about it! Although I certainly could be happier with already having furniture and all the do-dads that make houses homes. We are considering recycling old furniture and trying to make it beautiful again to cheapen things up a bit and also make things a bit more personal. If anyone knows of any blogs that discuss doing this kind of thing I would love to hear about it. The more inspiration the better I say. I’m very excited to decorate and to finally have some personal space again.

*We are now……. trying for a baby. After being so so desperate to make a family for oh so long, the husband has finally agreed that now is the right time. We have been trying for a month although have been yet to concieve as yet. Positive thoughts though.

* I left my job at the cafe and am now working at a shoe shop which is…. interesting. I most definately don’t love it but I do enjoy doing something different. My only concern is hours, currently I’m only doing a few days a week which is resulting in under 30 hours. This morning I got a call from a beauty retailer, inviting me to interview which I think I am going to do. They are only offering weekend work and perhaps a Monday so I’m thinking perhaps the two jobs could work together. It’s really going to depend on the interview and how willing they would be to work in with my other job. Anyway, we’ll see.

* The last item on my agenda is that whilst my husband is working full hours, because he is only casual he doesn’t get any holiday pay. The problem with that is his work are closing down for a month over the holiday period and he won’t get paid for the whole time. Eek! I’m thinking that this would be the perfect time to do a spending fast in preparation for the lack of money flow. I’m very inspired by andthenshesaved.com so I think we could do this.

Anyway, it’s been lovely to write and I hope to hear some of your thoughts on furniture renovations, two jobs and everything in between.

The ‘Right’ time?

Unfortunately, now that I’m home my life is a 100x less exciting. Massive boo… for you. But I’m still kind of loving it. I’m just trying to plan my next move.

What I wannnntttttt my next move to be is have a baby. I’m almost 25, I’ve been married for 3 years and quite frankly, I’d be darn fabulous at it. I’m great at cooking, I’m good with money, I have a wonderful relationship with my husband and I’m pretty mature…. okay, totally debatable. But the rest is true.

The problem is, it’s never the right time for us. Before and obviously during our adventure, it is not a perfect time to have a baby. Unless you like carrying one around in a back pack and it enjoys eating meals to the value of $2.20. Now that we are home we face another baby blocking dilemma…. we currently live at home with my Grandmother. I don’t even have a car at the moment (Although that fact is about to change in the next couple of weeks).

I want to be stable and all. I want to be able to give a baby all it deserves but sometimes I wonder if there will never be a right time.  I feel like I’m going to be waiting and waiting until I turn 100 for it to be the ‘right’ time.

When was it the ‘right’ time for you? Is there such a thing?

No anywhere but home

I am back in the land of Oz and it is Ttttttte-rffic. I can’t even tell you how great it is to be home. I knew I missed it here but I didn’t know how much until I got home. I cried when I got to my room. All that wall paper and poo colour carpet I never felt overly sentimental about suddenly became the best thing I’d ever seen  To quote one of my all time favourite movies (The Wizard of Oz) “there’s no place like home”. That reminds me… I still haven’t unpacked my shoes. But never fear, I have already re-colour coded my wardrobe.

It’s amazing how quickly things can fall into place. Within days, both my husband and I were employed again. I got my old job back and my hubby began working for another stone masonry firm. We both feel so good working. It gives us a purpose. Days off are so much better when you’ve earnt them. Unless you win the lottery. Then you can do what you want. I like to think I would go all Angelina and do some work for the UN. But even I know that I’m more likely to drive children into slave labour than help them out of it. Only kidding but seriously, I’m a bad egg. It’s better for the universe if I just work and save my money.

I can’t get enough of doing simple things. I’ve been walking round the block twice a day, hanging out with my family, watching movies with my husband and Nan (we’re like the odd triple), cooking and a spot of reading here and there (if you count my Nan’s that’s life magazine… which I totally do).

It’s the simple things you miss while you’re enjoying the wonders of the world. Just wait for a couple of months, I’ll be complaining all over again about the simple things and be desperate for someone to buy me a plane ticket to anywhere.

For now, there is no anywhere I’d rather be than here. Where would you rather be?

 

Homeward bound

We have returned from our final adventure in Greece. Arrived back in London just in time for the riots; we all know how much I love looting and acting like a total chav…. not really.

Greece was absolutely beautiful and I’m so glad that we took our last trip there. We visited 4 islands; Mykonas, Paros, Santorini and Ios, as well as Athens. The highlights for me where Paros and Santorini because basically I’m a massive Nanna. While all the others on our tour went for all night party-a-thons in Mykonas and Ios, the hubby and I had quiet dinners, chats on the beach and played cards. We are so out of control. Watch out go fish… we know how to par-tay.

Paros and Santorini were very chilled out. Perfect for watching the sun go down, reading books on the balcony, wandering through the streets eating £2.20 Gyros and taking Facebook profile pics… just for lols of course.

Athens was very disappointing I must admit. I will forever look back on it and recall its sticky heat and overwhelming smell of cat pee. It’s such a shame because it has so much potential to be a beautiful place. Le sigh. But it made me ready to go home, inducing incredible homesickness.

I’ve missed my family so much while being over the other side of the world. I miss Vegemite, tim tams and decent sausage rolls. All the simple things at home that I just don’t have here, particularly my colour coded wardrobe. Because I’m an absolute freak.

Tomorrow is actually our last day in London though so it won’t be long until I can unpack that suitcase of mine for the first time in 3 months and put everything back in its order. My Dad is picking us up from the airport so I shall be begging on the way for him to take us for a sausage roll. If anyone is under the illusion that England does this pastry justice – come to Australia!  We rock the shizz out of the saus roll. We also do amazing potato scallops but that’s another story, if I have to think about them too much I might sink into depression.

Whilst I’m obviously super excited to be going home, I am totally going to miss London. The energy of the place, the amazing public transport, the people, the close proximity to other countries and the fact that no one cares what you wear or how you look over here, you can just be yourself. Right now I’m using a turtle shell as a dress and no one is even looking twice. Except that I’m not. Because that would be mean.

What do you miss when you are away from home??

Grecian kind of wonderful

The moment of truth.. the fourth post. I have made it past the dreaded 3. It seems wordpress is stuck with me.

I’m in a pretty fabulous mood today. Why you ask? A dream of mine is about to become a reality. My husband and I are off to the Greek Islands.

Le Sigh! Could I want anything more? Yes, probably, but still it’s pretty fabulous huh. I can just see us there, although when I see us I invision us     looking like an advert in a glossy magazine. Because I look just like Miranda Kerr….. in my dreams.

On the subject of Miranda Kerr, a fellow Australia, I must admit… I think I am the only person in the world that doesn’t like her. Yeah Yeah I know, you’re perfect Miranda. With you’re perfect looks, perfect husband, perfect son, perfect career. You’re perfect. I hear ya. Now shut up about it. Stop preaching about your macro-dumb-biotic diet and your positive thoughts book. Everyone else around me just loves her, I stand alone in my dislike. She strikes a nerve of irration with me. I much prefer models with a bit of flaw, a bit of funk as I like to call it. Give me a bit of Kate Moss edge. I’d read her lifestyle book any day. Cocaine, Cigerettes and Chanel…. this is totally what she would call it. That’s what I would call it. And I would love the shit out of it.

Anyway, dumb Miranda Kerr got me off track…. From tomorrow onwards we shall be galavanting around the Greek Islands. Getting our tan on, eating terribly and swimming in the ocean. Fabulous I tell you.

The only thing left to do is packing, a task I am absolutely terrible at. I end up wanting to pack everything but the kitchen sink. Whenever I do try to cut it down and take bare essentials I spend the most part of my time wishing that I had the items I left behind. Blah. Terrible. Who wants to come pack for me? I promise I’ll stuff you in with my unnessary items and take you along to Greece as reward.

So how do you go about packing for summer holiday? What things can you not leave behind?

Dear 15 year old self…

I was reading about a book where famous people write a letter with some advice to their 15 year old selves. It got me wondering; what would I tell my 15 year old self if I had the chance.

Dear 15 year old Danielle,

Let’s get things straight missy. Stop obsessing over your weight! You need to understand, you’ll never be petite. Not even for a day in your life. Now we’ve got that sorted focus on this, you are built like an Amazonian. You are tall and your body is built to be in proportion with you stature. You will not have many problems with weight. You will stay somewhere between 62-67kg for the next 10 years. You will watch the petite girls that are your peers right now struggle with their bodies when they move into their 20’s. You will stay the same and you won’t need to give it too much thought. No, put the biscuits down. This is not license to pig out, although you will do this from time to time. This just means that you shouldn’t waste time bitching and moaning about your figure. One day, your little sister will grow up and have an identical body to yours. You will not be alone. You will be proud to stand tall and strong, so maybe you should start strutting that pride right now.

I know, you’re dying to ask me about relationships. Now I don’t want to spoil things for you too much buttttttttttt you will meet someone absolutely amazing. You won’t have to wait long to meet him so don’t despair. Those boys that your running around with now are just a phase. Enjoy the moment, don’t get too attached. They certainly don’t get attached to you. All that puppy love you are feeling right now I know can be lonely. I can just see you sitting there, writing your poems about unrequited love and plotting to get the objects of your affection to pay attention to you. Don’t waste time like this. When it is right, you’ll know. You will know all along, from the moment you meet the man who will become your husband. You will spend an amazing life together and all those other boys will remain in your past.

You will have amazing relationships. Do not be afraid to be yourself. Hasn’t anyone told you that it is a waste of the person you are to try to be someone else. Don’t be so insecure with your friendships. The girls that are in your life now will follow you well into your 20’s. They are amazing women. Don’t play yourself like you’re the group fuck up. You’ll be still trying to shake that tag until the present day. You are the only one that believes your hype anyway. These girls will always be supportive of you and your crazy ideas. Anyone who isn’t, is just quite frankly not worth your time girl! And you will meet wolves dressed as lambs. Don’t be fooled. It’s a waste of your energy.

Another thing that has taken me all these years to figure out is this, if you have a problem with someone, tell them so. Don’t bitch behind anyone’s back. Call them out on the issue. Stop worrying that if you show annoyance at someone they won’t want to be your friend anymore. If that was the case, they wouldn’t be worth your time would they? Don’t be afraid of conflict. It’s nothing to be proud of. Call out the issue, sort it out and then move on. It is the best way. You will see.

You also need to pay attention in class and stop acting so darn cool. Girlfriend – you are not cool! You will never be cool. But cool is so boring. Embrace your love for learning. Talk about the books you are reading. Need I say it again, don’t play up to your own hype. You will look back and wish you tried harder. You knew you could. Stop fucking around just because you don’t know what you want to be when you grow up. Here’s a bombshell for you, you’re going to be 25 and you still won’t know what you want to be. But don’t let that stop you from doing well. I wish that I hadn’t, I could’ve created a much easier future for you.

And that trip around the world you turn down because you want to go to your highschool formal. Don’t. Go. You will always wish you had. Travel is a true passion for you. It will take you years of struggling to get this opportunity again.

Most of all, don’t be ashamed to be who you are. Let that freak flag fly. You won’t be the most popular girl in the room, but don’t worry about that. Popularity means fuck all anyway. You will have all that you need in the shape of your beautiful friends and family. You live a great life, don’t let precious moments pass you by.

Lots of Love,

Future Danielle xo

 

What would you tell your 15 year old self if you had the chance??

The Rapunzel in limbo effect

Here’s a confession for my zero strong fan base… this is not my first blog.

Oh no my dears, this is probably about the fourth. I start off strong with the whole introducing myself bit, because who doesn’t have verbal diarrhea when talking about themselves. By the third post I’m all out of juice. It’s so disheartening when you are only talking to yourself. I’m not sure how to reach out to other bloggers, how to become apart of the community. If anyone stumbles upon me and can lend a sista a hand, give me some tips y’all. I’m determined to persevere this time round. Even if that means yapping on to myself for 1000 entries.

So, what’s a girl to do when she has no readers and only herself to write about? Who knows? But I’m going to continue on like the crazy cat lady with no cats that I am.

Right now, I am a little lost. I mean, I am on the other side of the world living this bizarre life and I have no fricken idea what I’m doing or where I’m going. Has anyone seen the fabulous Disney movie Tangled? If you have not yet seen it, trust me – amazeballs. But that’s beside the point I’m trying to make here. There is a part in the film where Rapunzel finally breaks free from her tower. She’s on her way into town to see the lanterns and she is basically like prancing around screaming out ‘BEST. DAY. EVER’, 2 seconds later she is then crying ‘I’M A DESPICABLE PERSON’. It goes sort of like that for a while ‘I’M GOING BACK’….. ‘I’M NEVER GOING BACK’. That is basically me in a nut shell.

Today, I’ve had a bit of a Debbie Downer day. I got a phone call from a girlfriend at home and all I could think of is that I wanted to turn into Harry Potter and disaparate my shit back home. I’ve walked around in a funk ever since. And then tomorrow, who knows. I may want to wrap myself in a time pod where I never have to go home.

There are so many things I am excited about doing. I mean, in 3 days time I’m off to Greece. People would kill to be in my shoes and here I am whingeing and whining about wanting to be home so I can have a wardrobe to colour code once more…. (oh, you don’t do that – excuse my OCD for a moment).

My Dad suggested I write my goals out so I can work towards something again but I’m greedy. I want it all. As long as it’s fun of course. What’s a gal to do? Enjoy Greece I guess. Don’t you love how I write that like it’s hard. Thought’s on goals zero fan base..? I’m a believer in having an objective but I just don’t know what I’m trying to achieve here. World domination perhaps?

By the way, nice to meet you…

So how awkward is it to introduce yourself? Short answer. Very. Excuse me while I stare at the floor, fiddle with my hair and mumble through this. Except that in real life I do none of these things, I’m just writing them for dramatic effect. Totally worked huh?

I was named after my grandfather Daniel Francis who was never referred to as Daniel his entire life. He was always called Mick. But that’s another story. My name is Danielle Frances and I turned out to be the female. I think. Just kidding. I know.

You may have gathered from my name that my parents didn’t think things through. Not only was I named after a man, which is not normally what you would do to your bouncing baby girl but I am often nicknamed Dani Fanny (the nickname for Danielle obviously being Dani and the nickname for Frances is unfortunately Fanny). A name until recent years I would’ve total punched you in the arm for calling me. Now I find, like other characteristics you can’t change, it’s better to embrace. I met a girl named Gaynor recently, things could’ve been worse. Both my treasured niece and nephew call me Aunty Fanny. But it’s okay. Well, it’s okay except for when I take them out in public and they are screaming out ‘FANNY’ at the top of their lungs and while all the other responsible adults are giving me filthy looks. But they have their minds in the gutter, it’s all very innocent y’all.

I am 24 years old although I often have to think about it. I fear that when I reach 50 I will truly believe that I am only 34. Perhaps I will be stuck in my own fountain of youth. I hope so anyway.

I was married at 21 years old which is normally a recipe for disaster. But from what I have just written, you will know that I am not normal. I am extremely lucky. My husband Chris and I met in highschool and have been in a loving supportive relationship since we were both 17 years old. He is my best friend and the source of much happiness in my life. I steal all his jokes and sayings because basically he is awesome. You would think so if you met him.

Currently we are living in London but we both hail from a small town on the east coast (I think east, I hardly know left from right so don’t shoot me) in Australia. We originally planned on staying in London to work and travel but figured we would take the work out of the equation. What we decided to do instead was travel for 3 months before returning to our little armpit town to be total grown ups. We have visited I believe 12 countries while being over here and have Greece left to conquer before heading home to live with my amazing Grandmother.

My family are the most important people in my life and you will hear a great deal about them. They are kind of insane. I always imagined I would marry someone with a real normal, settled family but instead I married Chris and his family is also insane. Insane and absolutely friggen awesome. Who wants normal anyway? I’m pretty certain if you look up normal in the thesaurus you will also find the word boring.

Other things you should know about my is that I am obsessed with the Beatles (more specifically John Lennon), I have a tattoo that says imagine, I love reading books, long walks on the beach and candlelit dinners. Scratch the last two, I thought I was writing a dating blog for a moment. If you disagree that baby animals in buckets aren’t the cutest thing in the world you should not be reading this blog.

Before writing this post I read the ‘are you new here’ tab where it suggested I should outline what the hell I intend on writing in this blog. So here is it. Me, me and more me. My adventures, my opinions, my life. Because we all get to be narcissistic sometimes.

To quote the fabulous Bowie; I don’t know where I’m going, but I promise it won’t be boring.