Monthly Archives: December 2011

Perhaps

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So perhaps I’m pregnant….

I have missed a period (by a couple days) but am yet to confirm it. I’m feeling so hopeful although I don’t want to get to caught up in it. I have been late before only to have Aunt Flo pop in a few days later so I’m trying not to get to worked up about it.

My husband feels the same way. We feel like this is a big perhaps.

I feel like I’m carrying around a big secret. None of our family know that we have been trying for babies so there is really no one to tell.

I have miscarried before so I’m trying not to get to ahead of myself. Except for feeling a bit off in the mornings and being a bit tired I really have no symptoms. I don’t want to take a test for a few weeks, I don’t think I could handle a long wait to 12 weeks.

If it doesn’t work out between now and then, at least I can carry on feeling like it was a late period. I don’t want to deal with miscarriage again. I want to have a happy pregnancy or carry on blissfully unaware.

I remember the last time I fell pregnant, I was feeling so positive and so happy about it and then someone mentioned miscarriage. It was almost like hearing that negativity poisoned me. It was all I could think of. I felt sure that it would happen to me. And according to laws of attraction – it did. I don’t want that for this time. I want to feel positive. I want to feel excited about it. I want to be sure enough of it that I could tell people. I didn’t feel that way last time.

I carry around so many fears that I won’t get the chance to be a Mother. Completely irrational fears. I carry them with me on a daily basis. I’m trying super hard to let them go.

I’m not a religious person but a friend of mine said God knows your hearts truest desires; he wants you to be happy. For some reason this has given me a lot of hope. I find myself praying; asking God if he will let me fall pregnant with my first child and let them be healthy.

So I leave this post feeling hopeful, and if this time round doesn’t take – I will try and try again.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? I would love it hear any thoughts on the subject??